Facing Reality

So Thursday night, my sister called and told me that my aunt and cousin had taken my grandmother to the ER because she thought she had a stroke...I was completely numb trying to convince myself that she was alright.  I mean this was the same woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was in high school, but has been clear since her mastectomy, she didn't even have to go through Chemo.  This was the same woman who had a heart attack and didn't even know it, so no way was I going to lose her now!!!  My grandmother has always been the rock of the family, she's the one to visit you in the hospital, not the other way around.  I recalled when I was 16 years old and in a near fatal car crash, it was her strength that got me by day after day.  I began to think of all the things she had done for me, and I began to cry.  There are no words to explain how much she has been a blessing to all those around her.  She is always willing to give of herself unselfishly without a second thought.  What would I do without her??  I took some Tylenol pm, because I knew that was the only way I'd be able to sleep.  Friday morning, I called my mom, aunt and sister and told them I planned on going to see her.  When I walked into her room, I had no idea what to expect...would she be paralyzed on one side, both sides. or perhaps not even be alert enough to realize I was there.  I walked in her room and she was sleeping, I said "Grandma" and she woke up... If I had any doubt about the goodness of God, it all went out the window at that point.  There was no way you could tell me this woman suffered a stroke less than 24 hours ago... I mean I know there are different degrees of stroke and she did suffer a mild one, but are you serious!!!!  I was very happy and relieved and most of all thankful that God was on her side.  For about an hour we laughed and joked and talked and that was one of the best hours of my life...I love my grandmother and even though we don't always see eye to eye on everything, I couldn't imagine not having her in my life. I have never lost anyone close to me, and I thank God that I still haven't.  As if that wasn't enough, she was discharged on Mother's Day and I have to admit that to date, this was my best Mother's Day ever!!!

We can still be friends, right?

Anyone that knows me, knows that i'm pretty upfront, so here goes:

Ummm, actually no we can't!! This has often been a question asked after a breakup, and unless the relationship ended on good terms, i.e. we just weren't compatible, then no we can't be friends. Most of my break ups have not been on good terms. I had the one guy that I dated off and on for about 2.5 years, he flies me to Atlanta to propose to me in front of his parents, I actually broke up with him the day before he proposed, and told him that i wouldn't tell his parents and I'd play the role until after we got back home, just so he could save face. Well, the next day me him and his parents went to this very nice restaurant in Atlanta called Bones, he proposed to me and i accepted. We went back and forth for a while, before finally ending our relationship for good in February. He was married and expecting a child 8 months later with the girl I suspected him cheating with, he told me she was gay. Next relationship: dude seemed to have his thing together, good job, nice house, nice car. He was very respectful and patient with me...at first. Then girls started telling me that they were dating him, but they hadn't seen or heard from him in about 2 months(the amount of time we had been together) so my thought was well if you haven't seen or heard from him in 2 months, move on, he obviously has. Then I got a phone call from the girl who told me she was pregnant by him, I asked her how far along she was, ok it happened before me and him got together, I asked him about it, because he never mentioned it to me, his response "that bitch fucked everybody, that ain't my kid" and then she disappeared, meaning I never heard anything from or about her again. fast forward approximately 8 months, I notice formula on top of his refrigerator and a diapers in his bedroom. I ask him about it, oh yeah she had the baby, so i ask if he took a paternity test, he said no. I see a picture of this kid...she is his twin, no wonder he didn't take a paternity test!!! But honestly i could have dealt with that, before this happened I was open to dating men with kids. With him it was an accumulation of things, like he had sex with anything or anyone....let it marinate...yeah anyone. So when they asked me if we can still be friends, my answer is hell no...a friend wouldn't do these types of things, a friend would try there hardest not to hurt you, and a friend would always consider your feelings...I'm not bitter and i don't think every man is a dog, but like i said unless the breakup is on good terms why should we still be friends??

Being adopted

Ok, so I'm adopted, and I've always wanted to address a few things about being adopted that I wish "non adopted" members of society knew about being adopted. These are just my thoughts and opinions, so if you, reader, are adopted and disagree that's fine because 1 thing i have learned over time is no 2 adoptions are the same.

Ok first and foremost: The 2 individuals who made my conception possible-Veronica and Tony- are my BIOLOGICAL PARENTS which in no way makes them my REAL PARENTS. The 2 individuals who have provided a life for me and have cared for me since i was an infant -Gwen and Joe- are my REAL PARENTS. They are the ones that have been there for me through every up and down life has thrown my way, the ones that were there for me when i fell off my bike when i was 9 years old and had to get stitched in my chin and get a tooth pulled and then took me to get ice cream afterwards. The ones who were there for me when i woke up in the middle of the night sick or in pain and gave me medicine and held me until i felt well enough to go back to sleep. The ones who were there for me when i was in a car accident when i was 16 years old that almost took my life, and caused my dad to lose his perfect attendance record at work so that he could be by my side in the hospital when i needed him or just wanted him to be. The one's who i can still call on at anytime day or night and know that they will be there for me. That's what makes people parents not providing an egg or sperm. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter nor do I hold any type of grudge towards my BIOLOGICAL PARENTS after all if there was no them, there would be no me. I just don't consider them my REAL PARENTS.
Next on the list:
Don't assume i want to be reunited with my Biological parents:

you have no idea, or maybe you do, how many people think it will be a fun project to track down my biological parents. And yeah i've been curious, but not really.
Almost 2 years ago, I talked to my biological mother for the first time in my life, twice. Of course, I had plenty of questions for her, mainly I wanted to know if I had other siblings, I knew I had 6 sisters and 2 brothers, but were there anymore?? She said there weren't. After the 2nd time talking to her. I decided that i didn't want to persue a relationship with her, so i stopped calling. she never had my number so it was a clean cut. For one thing it was just kind of awkward, and for another thing, remember Gwen and Joe, yeah my REAL PARENTS, I honestly didn't know how they'd feel about it. I told my mom that I had talked to Veronica, and told her that if it bothered her, i wouldn't talk to her anymore. She was actually ok with it, so my decision to end my "relationship" with Veronica was completely my own. For one thing, it was weird to hear someone call me there "baby" who wasn't my mother. And furthermore, she expected that after 28 years, I was going to call her Mom, but it takes more than birthing a child to be a mother, so i chose to call her Veronica just like I had ever since my mother first told me I was adopted. Then I just came to the conclusion that honestly there is no place for her in my life, and that may sound harsh to the "non adopted" kids out there, but its real. Alot of people have tried to convince me to go meet her(she is currently living in Dallas, TX) But to me there is no point, I had a few questions for her and they all got answered, i can't say that i'll never speak to her again, but the desire is not there. A lot of people that i've talked to hear the word mother and they think of the feelings they have for there own mothers and how they coulnd't imagine life without her, thats how i feel about my real (adopted) mother and father...not how i feel about my biological parents...and maybe its something you have to be adopted to get, but i just don't get that warm and cozy safe and loving feeling that i get from my parents with her, and i'm not looking for it. I was adopted by 2 very wonderful people and i am very grateful to have been chosen by them. I guess thats all for now, feel free to comment.